Stream of Consciousness: Humanity Is a Loaded Gun

It has been a while, my friends. But here you are:

Humanity is a loaded gun. We just don’t know how to contain ourselves, these days. Dreamed up civilization so children could stop breaking into factions of pig killers and savages but. But that never stopped, not really. I don’t believe human nature is inherently evil, inherently primal, inherently murderous. Civilization wouldn’t exist if that were true. But I’m starting to wonder, god am I starting to wonder. Hospital lights flicker but only for one, these days. They stop me at the door and tell me what I feel isn’t real, according to such and such a document in such and such place with such and such signature. And all the while I can feel her hand reaching for mine in an unknown space, in an unknown corner of this god forsaken building and my heart is pounding and my feet are begging to move because there isn’t much time, her sickly wound is getting bigger, even as I stand here arguing emotion versus law. And what about the others? What about the other hearts that have been ground into pulp at this very door? I don’t think human nature is inherently evil. But I’m starting to believe there are a select few inherently evil people. Because how can you argue with a smile that says “I love you”, or a family that’s been around since your first marriage, or the tender touch of someone who knows you better than you know yourself? Jesus, please forgive me for all the things I’m told you hate about me, but I don’t believe you are saying these things of your own free will. Hogtied, somewhere dark, there is a man torturing you. Torturing the love out of your words. I would save you, Jesus, but I’m not the one with the megaphone.

There is one who hates that he must break my heart here. There is one who has tears in his eyes as he tells me to leave, or wait in the hall. One is enough, I think. One might be enough.

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Comments
4 Responses to “Stream of Consciousness: Humanity Is a Loaded Gun”
  1. Adam says:

    Hey Hannah,

    This post may get a bit long. I too, truly believe that humanity isn’t inherently evil. Who can argue with the love I feel for my friends, family, my lovers. And I see the creation of civilization as an evolution of the love we share. Yet, as I always am, I am doubtful. I am tempted to hit things with a hammer (metaphorically speaking.) to discover whether it is hollow or solid. And through my exploration of thinkers, psychology, and life I have realized that humanity has, at it’s core, three things. And they are not pretty things. They are Fear, Greed, and Cruelty. If we, out of thoughtlessness ( and I truly mean without applying thought, without thinking) are confronted with something we do not understand, we resort to one of these core feelings. Now, it’s obvious that we are beyond these animal impulses by varying degrees, some more than others, but mostly everyone has stepped out of their primordial past and into civilization. Yet, these impulses can still overcome us, and make us behave badly. It is our job as Humans, to become and remain Human. And the only way to do that is to completely overcome these impulses. We must overcome, and change them, permanently. And though it is struggle of humanity, it is fought daily singly, by each of us, one impulse at a time. Our great advantage is our love, our civilization, our ability to help each other. Each of us must realize, that anything done out of love, is beyond good and evil. It is human. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

    • Wow, love this, Adam. And especially this: Each of us must realize, that anything done out of love, is beyond good and evil. It is human. Thank you so much for such a passionate response!

  2. Adam says:

    Aww, shucks. Thanks Hannah, your words are my inspiration.

  3. Dave says:

    Hi Hannah – Yes, I’m way behind in reading them, but the truth is I’m way behind on everything 🙂 Life has just been that way recently. Know what I mean?

    Lovely piece you’ve written, filled with emotion and feelings and questions. These questions about who we are as human beings are, I suppose, as old as time. Depending upon your world view, your perspective, or perhaps even your faith, the answers vary. As you say, it is difficult to believe we human beings are inherently evil. Who would want to believe such a thing? Without something more to place our hope in, it can be deeply depressing sometimes.

    If I understand what you’re writing about, I can tell you that I have some experience with it. Not with me directly, but rather through having to watch my daughter deal with these very same issues, or worrying about them as a possibility for the future. There are all the legal angles to all of this, but there are worse things than laws to deal with. There are inherently evil people in this world, and there always will be. Nothing much can be done about them. But those who pervert the love of God and the words of Jesus to conform to their own desires to hate those around them who are different, well, they are the ones to feel sorry for. They have their own consequences to deal with in the future. But for now, if you don’t know, you should know that they are a minority. Those who love Jesus love those around them, even those who are different.

    Sorry to ramble on, but your post touched me and I felt I needed to say something.

    As always, Hanna, it’s great to read your blog …

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