Coming to Terms With Mortality

My grandfather died last Thursday. I have not talked about it, especially not here – I have continued to plug away at my novel, continued to hang out with friends, continued to complain about the unfinished house with no bathroom that I am currently living in. It has seemed like, maybe by not talking about Grandpa as he was, the things Grandpa used to do, the people he used to know, that it has perhaps not happened at all. Maybe he is on vacation. Even though he was afraid to travel.

I have stayed with my Grandma on and off this week, trying to keep the loneliness at bay, at least for a time. When we talk, Grandpa still buys groceries, he still tinkers with electronics, he still plays golf. Oh, that DVD? Yeah, Grandpa likes that movie. He watches it every year.

But I find myself sneaking a small cry every now and then, on those nights when I suddenly and inexplicably remember that Grandpa no longer watches that movie, and he no longer plays golf, and he no longer tinkers with electronics. His loud, infectious laugh is still ringing throughout this house but it is only the memory of his laugh that lingers, not the real thing.

I am sad. I can’t help it, you know. Death does that people. But here’s the thing – Grandpa died doing what he loved on a sunny Thursday morning in the middle of summer. The golf course was clear and the clouds were fluffy, like cotton. Somebody else was driving the golf cart and Grandpa simply never got out for the next hole.

Grandpa’s service is on Monday – it will be a traditional military funeral (Grandpa was in the navy – he saw the world, once upon a time). I know I will cry – it is a funeral. It’s final. It’s the end of the story.

Or is it?

5 Responses to “Coming to Terms With Mortality”
  1. I’m sorry that you lost your grandfather. When mine died, I locked myself in the bathroom and sobbed at his wake. So-it’s okay to cry. What kind of novel are you writing? That sounds interestingly fun. No bathroom? You’re a brave woman!

    • Yeah, I think the service will be the hardest to deal with. I’m writing a fantasy novel (so cliche! But fun) and am about halfway through. And no bathroom yet! Moved out of our apartment into this house that was supposed to be finished a month and a half ago…we’ll see how that work out! Thanks for your support.

  2. empire76 says:

    So sorry to read about losing your grandfather. I have found that in times of introspection I tend to do my best writing. I hope that’s the same with you and that the novel you’re writing is coming along great. Good luck with the house and cry all you need at the funeral.


  3. jenniesisler says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing my grandmother 10 years ago was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. But I believe your grandfather’s happy wherever he is because you’re remembering him at his best.

  4. AshreyG says:

    I love you and I miss you! This is beautifully written and I feel the same way. It has been 3 months and still find myself wiping away a tear or two. He loved all of us with all his heart! I love you!

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